Pre, Present, and Post Valentine’s Day Stress Disorder (PVDSD)


Pre V-Day I was stressing pretty hardcore. I have never really had a good Valentine’s Day, and I was surprised to actually have a fantastic guy to spend it with this year. We aren’t in an official relationship, but we’re exclusive, so I had no clue what would happen. I don’t think he knew how to prepare at first, either. I didn’t know what to wear, what to expect, or even how to act. Honestly, I don’t know anyone who isn’t nervous about February 14th. I mean, it gets all the hype and there are too many unsaid expectations. Especially for the men… sorry fellas.

Lucky for me, my lovely man managed to find the perfect agenda for our relaxed relationship. Nice lunch instead of dinner, and the rest of the day just spent together. Flowers and chocolate, but no other gifts. It started out filled with a little bit anxiety and jitters, and not everything went quite as planned, but in the end I think most people realize this as well: all that matters is that you’re with the person you care about. All the nerves for nothing, right?

Now today we woke up, went to church, had lunch, the usual. But the post-V-Day effects were there. Still a little sappier than usual with the hand holding and pecks on the cheek. Not to mention, church was significantly emptier than usual. We’re apart now, which is good because I think it will help us transition out of the V-Day image. But it’s leaving me feeling a bit odd, but I don’t know what it is or why. Let’s just say it’s PVDSD.


Pay It Forward: Re-invented


Everyone has heard the “paying it forward” stories about good Samaritans paying for the next person’s meal in line, and they pay for the next person’s, and so on and so forth.

Money is one of the biggest issue for most people today, so paying forward a meal is a great deed and I hope I have the nerve to do it someday.

I believe, however, that there are other issues to be paid forward, so to speak.

Loneliness is right up there with money struggles. Loneliness makes people sad, depressed, anxious. Loneliness makes people question their existence on this Earth. That’s not okay.

What if we tried “paying forward” caring?

You don’t have to know the person well. Or you could be their best friend. Pay forward the caring, supportive, listening qualities inside of you. Make them know they’re not alone. They will undoubtedly feel better, and want to do the same for someone else.

See how this works?

Maybe it could change the world. Maybe it will only change one person’s day, hour, or minutes.

But isn’t that enough?

For All the Lonely People


Everyone thinks that heartbreak happens after you lose someone in your life, a loved one, a significant other.

They’re wrong.

Heartbreak happens all the time, you just don’t see it half the time. It’s not always like the girl sobbing on the bus because her boyfriend dumped her, or the abnormally quiet girl in the back of the class who just lost her grandfather. Sometimes, it’s the girl who hangs out with her friends and says hi to people in the street or the guy who is always texting someone and gets all the likes on Instagram. Because while these people have friends and smile and laugh, they might still feel alone.

There are different kinds of alone. There’s the alone where your family is gone for the day and you get the house to yourself to jam out to your music and pee with the door open. There’s the alone after you’ve been around your obnoxious friend for way too long. There’s the alone when you don’t have any close friends to talk to. And then there’s the alone when you haven’t felt the deeper love of a significant other for years, and you forgot what it feels like to be wanted in that way.

People will tell you “Oh, you can do better than him” to the guy you thought you had a chance with. Or they might tell you “You don’t need a girl, you have us!” But no matter what the people say, the lonesome person can’t help but feel like they’re doing something wrong. They think about every guy or girl who has even remotely showed any sort of feeling toward them, and they begin to question it. They think about how they talk to everyone and what words they use and if they reply to texts too soon. They wonder if they should have waited for them to send the follow request first, maybe they were being too pushy. They look long and hard in the mirror, wondering what their hair looked like that day, or if they had forgotten deodorant. They step outside themselves and begin to realize that they wouldn’t date themselves, either.

This is where the real problem is. No one should feel so alone and terrible about themselves that they don’t believe in themselves and that they think that they are doing something wrong. The truth is, it’s never the lonely person’s loss, but rather the people who pass them down. I can say from personal experience that this is never the first conclusion a lonely person jumps to–it’s the very last. If they even think about it at all. So this is what I’m here to say today. Because someone has to do something about all of the lonely people.

You are beautiful. You are amazing. You are a catch to someone out there. And they will find you, but they can’t find you unless you let your amazing self show. Because they are looking for you, you just have to open yourself up to be found. You cannot be found if you’re questioning every bit of your existence, because then they will, too. So forget about all the people who have passed you up, because even you know there’s a reason things wouldn’t have worked anyway. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start being proud of yourself. Because you’re going to be one of the few who finds people who don’t just enter their lives but who will stay there til the end. It sucks, but in the end everyone will be envying you. Be beautiful. Be amazing. Be a catch to someone out there.

Please Don’t Kill Me Yet


Today, on the lovely Book of Face (that’s Facebook, if you didn’t catch that), someone posted this quote from who knows where:

“I am not afraid to die, but to think I haven’t lived. That terrifies me.”

I read this and realized that this is how I feel. I think we’ve all felt depressed and wondered how it would be to die. To some people, they seriously think it would be a relief. And honestly, maybe it would be. But to not have done some much! That’s what turns me around every time. I start thinking about all of my dreams, all of the things I’ve worked so hard for, and the things I’ve never done. I’ve only been in love once, for starters, and I almost regret that whole relationship. I’ve never slept under the stars, never tasted wine that isn’t served to the whole congregation, never been out of the country, never fulfilled my dreams, never watched my kids grow up faster than I can believe.

I have a strong faith, so I’m not really afraid to die. But yes, to not have lived scares me to death–no pun intended. Even now, at a young age, I’m beginning to find myself wondering if I’ve done all I could and what more I can do with my life each day. They say it’s the things you don’t do that you regret, and I don’t want to live a life full of regrets. And that’s really what living a full life is, isn’t it? No matter what you do, you don’t want to feel any tiny bit of regret of what you did or didn’t do; you want to be satisfied with every accomplishment and mistake.

This is where people usually make bucket lists, and I have recently added that it my “Need To Do Sometime” list.

The next time you’re feeling down, thinking about your death or maybe thinking, “Who would even miss me?”, try thinking about this:

Who or what would YOU miss if you were gone?

My Beholding Eyes


I do not think that there are many other sayings that I believe in more than I believe in this one:

“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Beauty is beauty, isn’t it? Yes…but no. There are many things that seem to be universally decided on to be beautiful, like a setting sun or a blooming flower. But I think that much of that is society and what is taught from a young age. What about all of the things that aren’t somehow automatically beautiful? Where do they get their appreciation and admiration?

From beholding eyes.

For example, let’s talk about my beholding eyes. Sunsets of course are beautiful, as are flowers in the springtime. But where I see most of the earth’s beauty is in the places other eyes don’t see or don’t look. I see beauty in the way the sun filters through the tress in the middle of my small town. I see beauty in the rolling hills and valleys in the middle of winter, when the trees are dead and the ground is covered in snow, making the highest mounds and lowest valleys so much more visible. I like to see the beauty in a cloudy day that is fighting off tiny bits of sun, causing the clouds to glow. Or in the way a leaf falls, drifting in the wind and soundlessly hitting the ground. There is beauty in people too, but normally the most beautiful things are not on the outside, but on the inside. They are in the deepest laughs, the eyes that smile, the arms that care, and the hearts that love.

My eyes behold all of these things, largely because they are looking. You don’t have to be looking for beauty to see the sunset that engulfs half of the sky or to see the bright flower garden beside the road. But if you did look for beauty, imagine what you could find! It’s and exciting wonderful thing we’ve all been blessed with. There are all of these things in the world, waiting to be found beautiful by you.

What are you waiting for? Open your eyes to the beauty around you. You might be surprised to see what you’ve been missing.

Music to my ears…heart, soul, and entire being.


So it turns out that I am a music freak. I listen to music whenever possible, and when it’s not possible there is a soundtrack to my life playing in my head. Music has a lot to teach us about life, whether there are lyrics or not, all depending on how you listen:

1. Listen to the words, because words transfer meaning very well (you are reading right now, aren’t you?). You will gain some wisdom and knowledge out of this; however, you will hear the same thing that everyone else hears, or at least on a basic level. You will learn from words, like most of us have our whole lives.

2. Ignore the words (if there are any) and listen to all of the instruments and harmonies that are making a very embellished phrase into music. This way, you listen to the nonverbal message found in the crevices between notes and within chords. You might feel sad, or happy, or have no idea what you’re feeling because you’ve never felt that way before. But here’s where it’s really cool: no one else will feel that same way. Unlike just listening to the lyrics, you are experiencing something entirely different than what anyone else has before. And, what’s really awesome, is that this makes music the true international language. No matter the language someone speaks (and here I need to say: I do know that deaf people exist, and I am terribly sorry that I am not addressing them in the post, but I cannot speak from personal experience and do not want to misinform or mislead), anyone can understand the crescendos and decrescendos, and minor chords and the triumphant fermadas. Some say that love is the international language, but music is almost as qualified to bear the label.

3. Listen to the words and connect them to how the other parts combine together to make the whole. When you combine feelings with words, you get a lot of information at once. You will likely feel overwhelmed, and depending on the song, you with either: a) stop what you’re doing, stare into space, and feel tears well up in your eyes, b) stop what you’re doing, jump up and dance uncontrollably, or c) do both simultaneously.

When there is truly amazing music, and you are hearing it with your whole being, you will know. And you will undoubtedly fall helplessly in love with the beauty of music.