Parody: Basic White Girls

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For my writing class, we were supposed to write some sort of parody on a topic. Here is mine for basic white girls. It’s meant to be humorous and make a point at the same time. Enjoy!


It’s a harsh, ruthless world for females these days. Trying to look good without being objectified by men while still trying to fit in with your friends and their friends and their families’ friends. Fret no more! This guide will give you six easy steps for becoming just like everyone else!

  1. Get a MePhone

While MePhones are a bit pricey, it will be the only way for you to properly connect with all of your friends, followers (see #2), and the latest trends to make sure you’ll always be just like the girl next to you.

  1. Download Jiffypic (and use daily)

Jiffypic is a social network where you follow people and like their pictures and then they in turn follow you and like your pictures. The number of likes you get on your pictures directly correlates to you self-worth, so make sure you take a lot of mefies (see #4) and post them all the time. Also, taking pictures of leaves or your Moondoes (see #3) coffee cup will definitely help get your likes up. Just do whatever it takes to get hundreds of likes. Then you will be Jiffy-famous and that’s the whole point.

  1. Moondoes Coffee

The large majority of the population really doesn’t like coffee—our taste buds just aren’t designed to drink boiled dirt. However, none of that matters because it’s the cool thing to do. Not to mention that Moondoes figured out how to add sugar and flavors to their coffee so that you can say you’re drinking coffee but not want to dump it out because it tastes too bad. This habit of constantly drinking Moondoes may lead to an increased dependency on caffeine, but that’s okay. Everyone else suffers from the same thing; you’re not alone!

  1. Mefies

Once you have purchased your MePhone and downloaded Jiffypic, you are ready to take mefies. Basically, using the front camera on your MePhone, you take a picture of yourself, usually just the face. Of course you need to take these really often, and since you need the likes, this probably means you have to wear make up more frequently than you currently do. It might seem like a hassle, but it makes your pictures look so much different, you’ll thank me later. No one will even recognize you in person because your mefies are so great.

  1. Armings

If you’ve been to any store that carries clothes, you’ve seen armings on the racks. Yes, these are a necessity. While their skin-tight, sometimes-transparent nature has controversy everyone still wears them. They’re great for the gym, with Guus (see #6), for pajamas, or for going out if you pair them with the right pair of pants. The possibilities are endless and you’ll probably wear them every day, so buy a few dozen.

  1. Guus

No matter where you live, you must own a pair of Guus. Fur-lined and over-priced, these mittens are to be worn in any climate during the months of September-May. Guus go especially well with armings because the tight ends slide right into the Guus. They come in different colors, but don’t worry someone else is bound to have the same exact pair so you won’t feel left out.

If you follow this advice to a T, I can promise you will be just like every other girl who wants what you want: to fit in. As a fair warning, people may take to calling you “basic” or “typical,” but if you don’t do what everyone else is, you’re bound to be an outcast. So keep your chin up and prepare your wallet—you’re about to be as mainstream as it gets!


The main reason I chose to do a parody on basic white girls is because it is really a lose-lose situation. People who are different or outcasts tend to be ostracized by the public and bullied for those differences. So, then you decide to try and fit in by going with the popular crowd. Uh-oh, you’re basic and mocked for wearing what everyone else is wearing. This isn’t always the case, and I know you can find a “happy medium.” But we shouldn’t have all of these labels in the first place; why can’t we all just be who we are? Wear what you like because you think it’s cute. Drink what you want because it tastes good. Do what you want because you want to do it. If you happen be like someone else, that’ s cool, you have something in common. If you’re the only one who thinks that that sweater is awesome, even better–rock it.

In a perfect world…

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The Collegiate Diary #6: People Really Are Just Like Books

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Laura: She dances with me and is super nice, but she’s that girl I said I could never be even if I tried. So she has like 50 other friends lined up, too.”

In on of my earlier posts, “The Collegiate Diary #2: Friendly Acquaintances,” I discussed the people that had entered my life during my first week or so on campus. One of those people particularly was my friend Laura, the one that I talked about in the quote; I thought I had her figured out.

Here’s a shock: I was wrong.

Today, she is undeniably my closest friend on campus, and I don’t know if I would be surviving school without her. I wasn’t wrong when I said she was super nice, or that she was someone I could never be. She’s a social butterfly per say, able to mingle with others easily. Therefore, she does have a lot of friends in a lot of places. However, the more I have gotten to know her, she’s not just a pretty popular girl. She has a lot in her past and knows how to get a lot out of her present while planning for the future. Most importantly, she doesn’t let her past write her present or her future, no matter the turmoil that occurred.

Sometimes, I am the world’s biggest hypocrite and I don’t even realize it. I tell people don’t judge based on race, sexuality, or nationality. However, I am very guilty of judging based on people being “basic.” I think that I know a person because they wear their Uggs, drink Starbucks, go to parties, or attract a lot of boys. But I need to remember that a book may look like every other book, it may have a cover with a pretty picture and an inside filled with pages covered in words, but no matter what those words will be different than someone else’s, and just like I want others to take the time to read my pages I should return the favor and take the time to read everyone else’s.

So Laura, I’m sorry I jumped to conclusions, and judged you by your cover. Your pages are covered in words that are more than worth reading. They tell a deep story about an amazing girl whose pages deserve to be read.

Collegiate Diary #5: Basic

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Today, I received what I would consider the biggest compliment I could ever get:

“They don’t make girls like you anymore.”

I take a lot of pride in being different than the norm, than the stereotype, than the “basic white girl.” I also value things in life like the little cactus growing in a glass jar in my dorm room and the stack of books beside my bed. I love bread and chocolate. I have a giant dream and as far as I’m concerned it’s going to happen, so long as God blesses me so. I’m not afraid to be different, to believe in what I believe in. I want to be classy and unique, an actual one-of-a-kind catch.

So when my friend told me they don’t make girls like me anymore, I felt so sure of who I was. You would think that that would make me less sure, that I would think about how different I was and how no one understands me (which is undeniably partially true). However, what it really made me realize is that there are people out there who do understand me and my quirks and perks, and they values my type of person. Honestly, it just makes my job easier with finding true friends because my off-kilter personality weeds out all the ones who don’t or won’t take the time understand me.

This is not to say that I believe I’m better than anyone; in fact I might be worse than anyone. But better and worse shouldn’t even be brought into the discussion here. I just believe that being yourself is worth it, and that even though things might get rough, stick it out to the end. Some day, some where, some time, some one will meet you in a coffee shop or at a work Christmas party and they’ll recognize the truth that exudes from your soul. Maybe you’ll just have a good conversation, maybe you’ll be best friends, maybe you’ll be business partners, maybe you’ll be life partners. Either way in the end, it will always be worth it.