I’m deathly afraid of the future.
I have become a pro at acting like I couldn’t be more excited to be moving so far away from home with an ambitious double major and career attempt.
Truth is… I’m so afraid.
That’s the funny thing about following your dreams. It really takes a lot, and I can see why so many people decide not to. I could very easily stay in my state, attend school on a really good scholarship, and find a job I like. But I wasn’t going to settle for that. And now, I am faced with waves of immense fear that things aren’t going to work out at all like I expected and that I won’t be prepared.
It’s a fear that smacks me in the face every time something new comes up, and soon I’m stressing and losing sleep and not getting anything ready or prepared. I am overcome with helplessness that should not be increasing but decreasing as I become an independent young adult. Then I get even more overwhelmed and it’s a vicious cycle between productivity, motivation, and excitement to petrifying fear and anxiety.
(Words of advice are gladly welcomed.)